I spend a lot of time wondering why I don’t feel like doing “spiritual” stuff like praying, Bible reading, etc. Perhaps it is because I feel guilty that I haven’t been doing them, or that I don’t even know if they will do anything. Other times, my devotional life is merely an exercise of study, not truly changing my heart. And so I wonder, “What is keeping me from that vibrant relationship that was mentioned in the previous post? What makes me so lackluster?”
I found a couple of answers when reading The Dark Night of the Soul by John of the Cross. He states:
“They will beg God to take away their imperfections, but they do this only because they want to find inner peace and not for God’s sake…Such souls become weary with spiritual exercises because they do not yield any consolation, and thus, they abandon them.”
Those comments hit me square in the face. I spend so much time thinking that I need to engage in these exercises so that I will feel right about myself and my relationship with God. But the truth is, that selfish attitude denies their power and ignores the purpose for the sacrifice of Christ. Christ died for God’s sake, to appease the holiness of God. As a result, the sacraments and my devotional life should not be focused on my feelings, but on the “invisible and unfelt grace of God [which] is much greater, and it is beyond our comprehension.”
In the end, it seems that my lackluster attitude and feelings are a failing on my part of being too selfish and self-absorbed. My focus should be on God, not on me. If my Bible Reading doesn’t seem to yield fruit, I must remember that I am studying the very word of God. If my prayers seem empty, I can’t forget that I am speaking directly to the God of the universe. And if my worship is lifeless at times, I am still praising the God of creation.
I’ll end with another quote from the Ragamuffin Gospel:
“In the final analysis, the real challenge of Christian growth is the challenge of personal responsibility. The Spirit of Jesus calls out a second time: Are you going to take charge of your life today? Are you going to be responsible for what you do? Are you going to believe?”
8 comments:
I have been discovering lately that my focus on a vertical relationship with God was at best a hit or miss ordeal. Study and Prayer were conducted in a perfect-for-a-few-months and then nothing-for-several-more-months fashion. I discovered that adding the horizontal relationship (as in the relationship with those of the Brotherhood/Church) relieved me of my guilt and lack luster performance on the personal side of my relationship to God.
I must admit though, I have swung too far in the other direction. I have justified it too much and need to bring myself back to the vertical so that I can be more useful in my horizontal relationships.
(That sounds kind of dirty but, you catch my meaning...)
Bunce
If you want to love God, love your neighbor.
That's the way I experience the joy of being a Christian and having a dynamic relationship with God. At least that is what I tell myself.
I don't experience the joy of God while fasting or sitting in a quiet place while reading the Bible and praying. I experience him at my job when I help a person in need. On the road when I find a hitchiker. With my family when I can help them out.
I really loved that quote from Mr. John of the Cross.
Regan and Bunce –
You both touch on an interesting concept of one’s relationship with God, namely, “If you want to love God, love your neighbor.” Regan, you go as far as to equate a dynamic relationship with God with living in a loving community. And let me say, I totally agree that experiencing the Divine in one another is integral to a vital relationship with God.
However, I see Jesus regularly getting away from people to experience God in solitude. He seemed to gather strength, guidance, power, and assurance from His time with God. I think that it is safe to say that Jesus gained character and influence in ministry from His “devotional life”. So yes, we experience God through people, but we are lacking if these actions do not stem from the joy we find in just being in God’s presence. As Bunce put it, “I…need to bring myself back to the vertical so that I can be more useful in my horizontal relationships.”
What was up with the 'worshiping Satan' comment? Man I must have really ticked someone off. :-)
Bunce
Howdy.
Just stumbled upon your blog using the lame "next blog" feature. Looks like we read a lot fo the same things and think about a lot of the same things.
I'll shout out a prayer for you today.
Peace,
John
I agree Sam. I'm for both the corporate and individual relationship with God. You were mentioning in your post about how you do the individual, so I assumed you had that down. Most churches in America teach only the individual relationship and ignore the whole relationship with God through our relationships with one another. I was just emphasizing the other, not to the exclusion of the individual relationship.
Bunce - No idea who she was or what her deal was. I took care of it though. She'll be dead by nightfall. Just kidding.
John - Glad to have you along. You also might want to check out Regan's blog - regansravings.blogspot.com
Regan - My experience often finds that neither is done well in church (see regansravings). Actually, I feel that I do the community stuff pretty well, but I am lacking in the personal area, which was the point of this blog entry. Either way, we will continue to search.
Ah. That's what I love about internet conversations.
Anyway, I love your posts. Keep it up.
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