Coinage

I wrote this little essay probably 8 years ago, and I still believe it. I have changed some of the grammer and diction to make it more readable, but the main content remains the same. I still despise American Wastefulness.

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Do you remember the days when you could get a piece of gum for a nickel or a dime? Or, you could get a really great piece of candy for 25 cents or even a plastic miniature football helmet? These days, you might as well not enter into a Walmart with anything less than 50 cents if you want to come out with anything good. Or, how about the arcade? Before, it was standard—25 cents per game, and 25 cents to continue. Now, you need at least 50 cents to even turn on the game, sometimes even a dollar. Before, there was a need for pennies, and nickels, and dimes. Kids would save them up in the hopes of getting some trinket. But you can't buy anything anymore with some paltry coins, and paying with change gets you annoyed looks by the high school cashiers who have a hard enough time with simple x + y=z algebra that this counting the change may take all day.

I am personally sick and tired of filling up a huge bucket with useless pennies, nickels and dimes when all they are useful for is flicking at someone. Times have changed, and the coinage system is as relevant as the Grunge Era to the Millennial Generation. Most of the time coins end up on the carpets of floors and cars, only to be sucked up by the vacuum cleaner. Then they block the vacuum hoses, causing even more frustration. Let’s get rid of these annoying pocket noisemakers since they serve no purpose except raping the ground of its last few precious resources. We don’t use them enough to make them worth stamping, especially since their fate is only to be lost again. Maybe keep the quarters, but lets stop the madness and stop the change production.

This brings me to my next reform that goes hand in hand with the abolition of coins—get rid of lame pricing. Don't charge me 99 cents for a hamburger, then add on tax so that the grand total comes to $1.03. I understand the need for tax, but include it in the price. I will happily pay $1.00 and go on my way. This has to be a give and take system. If something costs 97 cents, round it up to a dollar. If it is $1.03, round it down. Get rid of the change, and standardize everything with bills (ideally produced from recycled paper). Make a 1/4 and 1/2 dollar bill. It may actually teach the Grand Theft Auto playing, OC watching, higher learning haters of America some sort of competence in basic math skills. Continuing to mass produce coins that are not used, just because this is the way we have always done things and because we like little heads of people in our pockets is ludicrous.

Technology is advancing, driving up the price of goods, so why can't the method of purchasing the goods also advance? So we lose the excitement of finding a shiny penny for good luck - well I'm sorry to break it to you, but finding a penny that is heads up will no more affect the outcome of your day than throwing salt over your shoulder, avoiding black cats, or shunning ladders. Let us move forward into the next phase of Capitalism, and cease senseless coin stamping and product pricing.