Ripped from the Bible

I don’t know if you have heard or not, but it is coming. What you ask? A terrible destructive force of Biblical proportion. Literally. It is as if someone stole the story line right from Exodus. I spent all weekened having my basketball watching interrupted with stupid teasers for a movie about (drum roll please)…LOCUSTS! “If you hear the buzz, it’s already too late!” Give me a break. USA spent last weekend showing all the worst of the natural disaster movies. Decent actors and actresses somehow get signed on to these awful movies, but that doesn’t help terrible, predictable storylines that include some of the stupidest human behavior I have ever seen.

All this is to say, I don’t know why people have such an interest in these movies, and I don’t know why the writers and producers think that they can make me or any other viewer afraid of a locust. I mean seriously, if they are coming, how about some insecticide? A couple of planes flying over with some spray and the problem is solved. And even if it wasn’t, I don’t see how a grasshopper is getting into my house (even my house which has more holes in it than The DaVinci Code.

Unless (switch to dream mode), the locusts were of biblical proportion, but not from Exodus. What if they were the locusts from Revelation 9:

“And out of the smoke locusts came down upon the earth and were given power like that of scorpions of the earth. They were told not to harm the grass of the earth or any plant or tree, but only those people who did not have the seal of God on their foreheads. They were not given power to kill them, but only to torture them for five months. And the agony they suffered was like that of the sting of a scorpion when it strikes a man. During those days men will seek death, but will not find it; they will long to die, but death will elude them.
The locusts looked like horses prepared for battle. On their heads they wore something like crowns of gold, and their faces resembled human faces. Their hair was like women’s hair, and their teeth were like lions’ teeth. They had breastplates like breastplates of iron, and the sound of their wings was like the thundering of many horses and chariots rushing into battle. They had tails and stings like scorpions, and in their tails they had power to torment people for five months. They had as king over them the angel of the Abyss, whose name in Hebrew is Abaddon, and in Greek, Apollyon.”

Now that’s what I’m talking about. If it is so bad that people would rather die than deal with these scorpions, then you have a problem. Give me locusts that are genetically altered to be like the Revelation locusts, and I will watch. Until then, GET A REAL STORYLINE!!!